Eight-feet and sixteen-knees
went to catch fish with unease, casts on land a net so fine and catches fish
come rain or shine. Tell me, Babumoshai? Couldn’t get it? It’s a spider. Come,
Babumoshai, sit. Babumoshai, enjoy the fun. Standing or sitting, just have fun.
Coming or going, just have fun. Eating or sleeping, just have fun. Babumoshai,
enjoy the fun. Couldn’t get it, Babumoshai? It’s a spider, Babumoshai.
One hundred funs, two hundred funs,
a thousand funs. A contest for how far one could throw a baby snatched from its
mother’s bosom – what fun! At the competition to eat ten rupees worth of
rossogollas, the clean-shaven, sparkling youth circled naked around Dalhousie
Square at broad noon – what a fun incident, isn’t it? Just imagine there’s a
7-month old baby in a woman’s bosom. A peace-wallah came up to her. As he grabs
the girl, the baby began to cry. The peace-wallah then gave a push and threw
the baby on the ground. After falling down the baby began crying even more
loudly. Seeing that peace was being disturbed, the peace-wallah then pressed
the baby’s head under his boot. He squashed the head. The others exclaimed,
bravo! Just imagine, what fun it is. For that matter, one can make fun with you
too. For instance, I will ask you: which year is this, brother? You will wonder
what this is about. It’s nothing, it’s only a piece of fun. Or I could tell
you, in the next few days, whenever you get the opportunity, use your two hands
like feet, that is to say, you now have 2 feet + 2 hands; now, if the value of
a hand is equal to the value of a foot, then how many feet do 2 hands equal,
and how many feet would you have altogether? Are you getting angry? Don’t be
angry, this is fun, simply fun. Do you know, for the last few days, I feel that
the rear, seat region of my trousers keeps rising and expanding, that hair is
rapidly spreading all over my face, my jaw is getting flattened, and two long
teeth keep growing out of the two ends of my mouth – I’m wondering whether this
too is a piece of fun. What – so you’re not finding it funny? Are you getting
bored? Don’t conclude that all fun is like this – merely vegetarian fare;
that’s not so, Babumoshai –
Gulp vegetarian fun
There’s also the non-vegetarian
bang
Come, tell me on which tree
Do two seed-filled fruits hang?
Ha ha, God! That was really funny,
isn’t it? Yes, you will definitely have fun, it was for just such fun that you
were waiting all this while. Listen then to another piece of A-grade fun.
There’s floods in North Bengal. You’ve gone from Calcutta to undertake flood
relief. You’ve taken along rice, daal, clothes and so on. You’ve parked the
boat on the bank and are undertaking flood relief. As you’re distributing
clothes, you suddenly spot in the distance, behind the clump of shit-babla, a
full-grown piece of fun, standing. A girl, concealed by the clump, she’s not in
a condition to come to you and take a sari from you. And it’s not possible for
her to come out in the open with whatever she’s wearing. All of you saw it,
heard it, understood everything; winked at each other. Because the girl is
… Ha ha, God! … Want some more
fun? You’re a daily passenger – observe the stations carefully – you’ll have
loads of fun. In every station there’ll be middle-aged people, who are bent
double, there’ll be two or four unclad, harried mothers with a child on the
bosom, there’ll be a whole bunch of naked, hungry children. And right next to
them, a meticulously dressed, smart-looking babu – whistling to himself and
waiting for the train; a job in Calcutta. There’s fun in statistics too. If Ram
earns 1 million rupees a month and Shyam earns 51.50 rupees a month, then
calculate the average annual income of Ram and Shyam together. Do it, you’ll
have fun. Keep your ears pricked when you travel by bus or tram. There’s fun
there too. “Hey mister, why do you forget that the son of a petty clerk is
destined to become a petty clerk even if he is an engineering graduate – and
the director’s son will become a director even if he fails high school – it’s a
peculiar country, mister – such fun the dialogue is, isn’t it? There’s fun like
this everywhere. The silver jubilee of India’s independence. The Prime
Minister’s speech on the transistor. The haat in Kakdwip. As you’re listening
to the speech, you see an old hag who’s come to sell, as her final resort, her
two pet ducks. She says she’ll give away the two ducks in exchange for two
kilos of wheat-flour. Nobody buys it. Accompanying the silver jubilee of
independence is this 2 kilos of flour in exchange for two pet ducks – isn’t it
fun? Fun like this is found everywhere. In marketplace, village, town, shop or
street. The red flag procession is held up when it confronts His Holiness Sri
Sri Bhabataran Baba’s procession. The grandeur of the wedding of Burrabazar’s
Hukumchand Nagarmal’s grandson – a car decorated like a swan with flowers – men
bearing an array of ornamental lanterns on their heads, bare-bodied, black
backs, weary eyes – this causes a traffic jam, half a mile long – trams and
buses are all held up. Isn’t it fun? Babumoshai, enjoy the fun – go to Seadah
station late at night. You’ll find fun there too. You won’t be able to walk.
You’ll tread on people at every step. People come from the village. From
nameless towns. Hundreds of them. Thousands. Countless. Even so many years
after independence, queues of hapless people come to the station and become
beggars. Rows and rows of faces of wives, children and malnourished babies. In
the station precincts, in the waiting room, on the pavement – everywhere the
same faces. Wives, children, babies. In the middle of the night. In the stilled
station. Every now and then, a loud, sharp whistle. The sound of railway
shunting. And in the middle of that, a procession of weary, starving faces.
There’s fun there too. Just be a bit observant. You’ll see 2-3 policemen waking
up all those weary sleeping bodies and taking collections. Do you know what the
collection is for. It’s tax. The police have to be paid a tax of 10 paise per
head to remain in Sealdah station. There’s fun incidents like this all around.
Mohammad Abdul from Baisata, Haran Mandal from Debisabad, Kishore Maity from
Baurmal, Banamala from Satguchi, all of them give pay the collection of 10
paise to the police and occupy the station premises. 25 years after
independence, look at Sealdah station alone, you’ll find such incidents occur
day after day. The area around the station is flooded with starving beggars.
The police can’t keep them away. They clear one place and new beggars and from
another place fill up the vacant space. The whole station fills up in half an
hour. It’s a fun thing isn’t it? There’s fun like this all around. There’s fun
to be had in hotel, shop, restaurant … in the Maidan. There’s fun in
newspapers. On its left side is printed a picture of a beggar who was found
dead on the railway platform. And an advertisement is placed on the right side,
a bra-clad, semi-naked, female body. On one side it’s written: Starving
Calcutta – 3 persons died of starvation in Sealdah; on the other side: Feminica
– guaranteed to bring perfect feminine beauty to your flat chest within 3
months. People see it. They have fun. Fun happens. Fun happens throughout the
newspaper. Fun happens all over the station. Fun happens throughout the nation.
Oh my! Blooming
flowers in beds so round
Flowers the colour of cowrie
Wild spinach fritters hurry
Fun – fun - fun. One hundred funs,
two hundred funs, a thousand funs. Babumoshai, enjoy the fun! Oh my! Blooming flowers …
THE END
[1973]
This is a translation of the
original Bengali story, “Babumoshai moja koroon”, by Subimal Misra. Translated
by V. Ramaswamy.
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